


Falling into the depths of despair

by SolifiedJaporeanist21



Series: Sacrifices [1]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Blood and Gore, EXO Ensemble - Freeform, Ending with a twist, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Character Death, Recovery, Romance, Smut, Suspense, Tragedy, Very angst, slight depression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-14
Updated: 2015-09-16
Packaged: 2018-04-13 11:55:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4520988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SolifiedJaporeanist21/pseuds/SolifiedJaporeanist21
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Park Chanyeol and Do Kyungsoo were happily married, forever till death do them part. But what they don't know is that death comes sooner than they wish. </p><p>Ultimately a year after Kyungsoo's death Chanyeol has yet to function, his heart is still shattered. His friends try to help him move on but Chanyeol, no matter how much he knows he should, can't.</p><p>Then one day when Chanyeol is at the bottom of the barrel he gets a unexpected visit from someone who can both mend his soul and help him through his hardship.</p><p>But there's one little problem, there's a interference preventing such actions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: Slipping

                               _He haunts in the air freely_

_Oblivious to all yet searching for the one_

_Leading a path not of despair but of compassion_

_Seeking for who stole his heart_

_Binding to the one who's too damaged to mend._  
  
...  
  
There is a saying that your life flashes before your eyes right before you die.  
  
Kyungsoo discovered this to be very true.  
  
The young man was clutching onto the last of hope, vaguely aware of the slowing of his heartbeat, the fading of his awareness. Like so many times before the man next to him held onto him for dear life. (No pun intended.) However, this time when Kyungsoo looks up at him, his eyes weren't giving him unmistakable love like they used to but of false promise.

Kyungsoo desires to speak to comfort him, but his voice was lost somewhere inside him. Blood clogging his lungs and throat making it harder to breathe normally. All he could really do was hold on to the best of his ability, sorrowful tears rolling from his stinging eyes, smearing the blood on his cheeks.  
  
His mind began to reel. This was the end. Kyungsoo knew it. His body was bloodied and broke, his arms heavy where he sought to hold them up, he hurt terribly from where that truck had...

Kyungsoo swallowed thickly. He didn't want to think about that now. He could feel the chill of late November cold seeping onto his paling skin, attempting to keep him cold like it should but his body just grew numb from the pain instead. Time seemed to slow as the audience around him began to fade further and further away.  
  
"Kyungsoo..." The other male whispers — groggily to the younger's ears — their hand covered in his blood bringing Kyungsoo's up to their quivering lips, "—Stay with me, baby. Please, you're a fighter remember," he cries shamelessly, "—you can make it through this."  
  
Kyungsoo wanted to smile, reach up to caress his handsome face, wipe away the ugly tears from his eyes because they don't meet his beautiful features, but his body hurts too much to. He wanted to tell him that everything would be okay, that he would survive, that he loved him... That he was sorry that he wasn't able to keep their promise alive. He wanted to do all this, he wanted to kiss him just one last time to keep his touch lingering before he goes but he couldn't, he couldn't do any of that.

Instead he closes his eyes, accepting his cruel fate and coughs up blood, wincing as his lungs burned just from that.  
  
It was then that it happened. Memories began to swarm him, faces, colors, smells — everything from his life began to be displayed before his closed eyelids.  
  
There is a saying that your life flashes before your eyes right before your die.  
  
Kyungsoo discovered this to be very true.  
  
He was slipping, but this time it was into his memories.  
  
The last thing Kyungsoo hears is the faint sirens of a speeding ambulance and the screams of grief from his husband next to him before he is enveloped in white.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me Kyungsoo lovers out there, I PROMISE I would not have killed him off if it wasn't for the greater good of the story. I love Kyungsoo myself so him dying in this fic does NOT imply that I despise him. I swear!
> 
> Honestly, this fic came out of nowhere and I am just writing as I go, I admit I am a slow inspirational person but I try to write as much as I can when an idea strikes.
> 
> This will be a slow progress because I have a lot, and I mean a LOT of things to conjure up to make this story a complete success so I apologize profusely if I don't update the chapters to everyone's expectations. 
> 
> Also to avoid spoilers I'll add tags and relationships with each chapter I post.
> 
> Lastly thank you all for giving this fic a chance, comments are greatly welcomed and cherished.


	2. A ray of hope

                  _"All alone in this empty deserted place_

_Both your hands, I no longer feel,_

_In the end my regret is to take the blame_

_Consequence of my fallen ideal."_

...

"Chanyeol..." Baekhyun across the table murmurs, and Chanyeol looks up to see the worried eyes of his friend. "-H-How have you been holding up?" Baekhyun knows instantly that its a stupid question to ask the damaged man but he can't think of anything else to show he worries. Of course he wasn't blind either, he knew Chanyeol is in despair. Despair not only of his great loss but of losing _himself._ So Baekhyun made it his job to keep him as healthy as he could until he can finally let Kyungsoo go in peace completely.

Chanyeol's eyes cast away towards the pristine carpet. He can well see the pity clear in Baekhyun's eyes, even though the elder is desperately trying to hide it. Looking at them is just as bad as looking into... Chanyeol bites his lip eyes watering at the reminder. Jongdae catches this and tries to enlighten the mood, placing his hand over the taller man's as he proclaims. "Hey, it'll be alright Chan you can always find—" he yelps when Baekhyun kicks him in the shin under the table giving him a 'don't you fucking say it!' look. Atlas, what Jongdae was going to say wasn't what Baekhyun thought. He says nothing to correct him.

Chanyeol somehow forces a smile onto his lips so he can at least attempt to be fine around his friends. "Hey now don't worry about me, I'm..." he hesitates, searching for the proper word. _"—surviving."_ He chuckles dryly and the three people at the table cringe. _Just admit it Yeol you're soul is shattered, that light that was around you is dull now. The Park Chanyeol I knew passed away along with Kyungsoo._ Baekhyun clenches his teeth, _I not only didn't protect you but I didn't protect Kyungsoo either... If anything I should be the one who's most guilty._ Baekhyun furrowing his brows. Chanyeol sighs, "I will make it through, I promise. Eventually. It just takes time. Please don't worry, if you do it'll rot your brains."  
  
"Its been over a year Chanyeol." Junmyeon points out. "I know you loved Kyungsoo with all your heart and as your friend I consider its best if you...just let him go. I'm not trying to be mean or hurt you any more than you must already be but as you said yourself a while back that Kyungsoo wouldn't have wanted you to grieve over him for the rest of your life. He would have wanted you to be happy and live your life to the fullest. Not throw it away."  
  
Baekhyun and Jongdae throw a dirty look towards Junmyeon but Junmyeon knew the two knew he was right so they say nothing against him. Only when they look back at Chanyeol do their hearts break more. The man is crying. Silently but definitely crying. _Again_.  
  
The taller man's fingers tug at his jet black hair roughly as he nods. "You're right." They all blink dumbfounded at this. "Kyungsoo wouldn't want to see me in this state, he'd undoubtedly put me in a headlock and make me swear to never hit rock bottom as I have now." His tears pick up as he can literally picture it. Baekhyun, Jongdae and Junmyeon immediately feel bad that Chanyeol has to carry his pain alone, but they can't do anything to help mend him. All they can do is hold in their tears and let Chanyeol find his way at his own pace. "Only you know what... I can't. He was my friend, my husband and my soulmate, you can't just forget someone like that, like they were some fucking toy that you threw away because it was old. I never loved anyone more than I loved him. I never will." It seems that the flood gates have be opened because Chanyeol's tears build up ten fold.  
  
"Hey now, don't cry Yeol if you cry I'll cry and that'll just make my eyeliner run." Baekhyun laughs, breath hitching as he catches the tears that have cornered his eyes. Although, what good that had done since they just fall anyway.

Chanyeol scoffs looking up with red rimed eyes to see it already has. "Too late." He laughs lightly back, a half of a real smile on his lips.  
  
A light not so bitter laughter fills the void of dread this time and Baekhyun wants to think that their making progress in repairing Chanyeol's shattered heart. Slowly but surely. It's not a lot but its enough.

...

When his apartment empties Chanyeol is left alone sitting on his couch, staring up at the ceiling. He would ordinarily do something more... _livelier_ but at the moment nothing seems to suffice for his situation.  
  
Signing he pulls the nearby pillow close, squeezing it to his chest as though it can give him some kind of closure. He doesn't go anywhere near the bedroom anymore, most memories he shared with his husband lay there. It's the place that hurts the most. So for now the couch is a perfect bed, at least until he can cope with reality   
  
Burying his nose in the soft object Chanyeol inhales the scent he remembers as Kyungsoo's, the scent of his green apple shampoo and spicy soup. He closes his eyes and he can literally hear Kyungsoo's beautiful laughter resonating against the empty walls. Fuck he could still _feel_ him and even though he was alone, it still felt pretty real. Chanyeol came to the conclusion that the walls must hate him if they'd go so far as to haunt him so, bringing him to submerge in the sorrow of what he'd done to his poor husband. If only he had paid more attention to their surroundings Kyungsoo would still be here with him, breathing and alive.  
  
Chanyeol honestly wishes to forever mourn Kyungsoo's death but he unfortunately knows he can't. Eventually, like Junmyeon said he will have to let the love of his life go. But they were supposed be together forever weren't they? "That's what you said, didn't you?" Chanyeol thinks out loud. "That we'd spend the rest of our life together, that nothing could divide us up?"  
  
He's crying again as his fingers idly roll his wedding band with Kyungsoo's voice wavelength carved inside around his ring finger. "You went too early, Kyungsoo. You know that, right? It should have been me that was in your place. Why!" He shouts out, looking around angrily. "Why'd you push me away Kyungsoo, what the fuck were you thinking! Huh?" This was the first he's ever said about the accident and if he was truthful it actually felt good to let it out for once and not bottle it up. "It should have been me who got hit not you." He leans forward, pillow long forgotten and rests his elbows on his knees, voice softening. "You're so small and fragile, _I_ at least would have received less damage. I might have actually _survived_!"  
  
Chanyeol winces as he can still recall how bloody he had been from holding Kyungsoo in his arms until the paramedics arrived. And for what? Kyungsoo died anyway!

 _"Mr and Mrs. Do... Mr. Park?" A voice calls out to the three, soft but stern._  
  
_Chanyeol looks up to see Mr. Lee, Kyungsoo's doctor in front of him. The look on his face alone tells enough. Kyungsoo didn't make it. At that moment Chanyeol feels something die within. Kyungsoo's parents as well look up, fear clear in their poor eyes._

 _"Please, how is our son, doctor? Is he alright?" Mr. Do speaks up worried for his son's safety. Chanyeol instantly feels his heart sting with guilt because it was him who hadn't protected Kyungsoo to the extant he should have._  
  
He's failed them.  
  
_"I'm so sorry, we tried everything we could. Mr. Park has suffered so many serious injuries from the accident that we could not save him in time." The doctor finishes softly and Kyungsoo's mother immediately screams, bursting into tears. "No!_ No! _My poor baby!" Kyungsoo's father hugs her tight, burying his head in her neck, holding back his own tears. Chanyeol just blinks, letting the news completely sink in, his vision blurring._  
  
_"I'm sorry for both your losses. Mr. Park," he called out, bringing Chanyeol back to reality, his hidden tears falling down his cheeks to the public and he murmurs a quiet 'yeah?' "—I was told to give this to you." Chanyeol has a confused look on his face as the older man hands him a unopened envelope. "Its addressed from your husband to you but he wasn't the person who gave it, if I remember correctly the man who had said he was a very close friend with your husband." He looks almost ashamed as he finishes. "I apologize profusely that I could not tell you more about the anonymous person, he only left so fast I didn't get the chance to acknowledge his purposes."_

_"Thank you Doctor." Chanyeol nods, understanding._

Even now Chanyeol has yet to open the envelope, he was too afraid of its contents. Of what Kyungsoo wanted to say to him in case a situation like so came up. It could be anything and Chanyeol is afraid he won't like what it has to show.

"What am I to do without you, Kyungsoo? How can I survive without your guidance?" Chanyeol continues, voice breaking, eyes hurting from crying so much. He's surprised he still has any left to shed.

Chanyeol pulls his knees to his chest, burying is head in his arms. "I miss you, Kyungsoo. I miss you so much." He says, voice muffled.  
  
When Chanyeol says nothing more, there is a long dreadful silence and Chanyeol instantly hates how awful his life has become the past year. He used to be loud, cheerful... _happy_. Now he's none of that. When Kyungsoo died so did a part of himself.  
  
Suddenly his cell phone dings cutting through the awful silence and Chanyeol digs into his pocket, assuming it was Baekhyun checking up on him again.  
  
It's a text he notices, but not from the older boy.  
  
_**From: MyBabyKyungsoo                                       To:ParkChanyeol**_

 _ **I miss you too, I wish I could hold you, tell you I'll never leave but I can't. So please don't cry, baby. If you're sad I'm sad.**_  
  
Chanyeol's eyes widen and the pain in his heart builds up at the horrible prank. Would someone really step so low to text him with his husband's phone just to torment him further? Who the fuck _does_ that!!  
  
Chanyeol doesn't reply and instead throws his phone across the room in disgust, rotting the person to hell for doing such a cruel thing. Like he wasn't already fucked up as it is.

There is a long, long while more of no noise as Chanyeol tries to pick his brain as to what fucked up being would do such a disgusting thing before he remembers.  
  
He could have sworn Kyungsoo's phone got destroyed in the accident?

Straight off the elder stands and runs down the hall, stopping abruptly when he makes it to the room he forbade himself from going through since his husband's death. But right now is no time to be a stubborn child and he conveys a deep breath before opening the door slowly.

The room hasn't changed one bit since Kyungsoo last cleaned it, the room still smells of strong Hawaiian peaches and clean sheets. His heart clenches painfully as he takes the time to look at the pictures of him and Kyungsoo that were scattered over the room.  
  
Baekhyun had thought it be best if Chanyeol not be reminded of his pain and put all his and Kyungsoo's belongings in the room. Telling him if he were to ever go back to make sure he was ready.  
  
They were so happy then. In the beginning Kyungsoo had been always shy about getting their pictures taken and he forever had a cute embarrassed look in his eyes, but his smile was always genuine. "I remember this Kyungsoo, you were the most happiest here. It was our first date and you were so scared of what people would say when I took your hand because you were scared we'd get separated in the big crowds." He feels the hot tears of regret sting his eyes and he removes his gaze to focus on the task on hand.  
  
Walking over to the closet Chanyeol reaches for the small box he was given at the hospital. The box of the belongings Kyungsoo had on hand...that night.

Chanyeol swallows and opens the box carefully only to burst into a happy yet confused laugh. There is is, Kyungsoo's iPhone, screen broken, metal bent. So nobody could have texted him to torture him.  
  
Chanyeol picks up the device with shaky fingers and almost bursts into more tears as the device refuses to turn on. Just blinks white a couple times before going black. I can't be though. It's impossible that Kyungsoo really texted him, there is just no way.  
  
Running back to his own phone the elder picks it up and thanks that it hasn't shattered from the impact. He texts back.

  
_**To:MyBabyKyungsoo.                                           From:ParkChanyeol**_

 _ **Am I dreaming, is it really you Kyungsoo? Are you here with me?**_  
  
Chanyeol waits for a reply almost desperately, tapping his fingers on the spine of his phone antsy, and when his phone dings he almost drops it in surprise.  
  
**_From: MyBabyKyungsoo.                                       To:ParkChanyeol_**

 ** _Of course, I've always been with you Chanyeol. I just hate seeing you like this, you shouldn't ever blame yourself for my death. Ever._**  
  
Chanyeol sets his phone down, doesn't hurt to try he guesses. "But it _is_ my fault Kyungsoo, if I wasn't talking and paid more attention I could have saved you and you would still be with me." He pauses to take a breath. "I'm so sorry, babe, I really am. I want to see you again, I miss you, I miss _us."_ Chanyeol confesses and when he feels a cold rush of wind fill the room and pass him he knows Kyungsoo really is there with him. Especially given no windows were open for the chill to seep inside his flat.

Chanyeol expects a word in his head, a text, something that would further prove his assumption, but instead what he gets is the keys on the piano across the living room to play on their own.  
  
Chanyeol not even fazed by the supernatural automatically recognizes the song and he laughs sadly. The elder sings along, hoping that his voice won't crack from all his crying.

 _"Why'd you have to leave so soon, why'd you have to go,_ _why'd you have leave me when I needed you the most?_

_Cause I don't really know how to tell ya, without feeling much worse_

_I know you're in a better place, where its always gonna hurt."_  
  
Chanyeol could practically hear Kyungsoo's soothing voice as he sings his own verse along.

_'It's been a long day without you my friend, and I tell you all about it when I see you again,_

_we've come a long way, from where we began._  
  
_Oh I'll tell you all about it when I see you again, when I see you again. Oooh~ ooooh~'_

When Kyungsoo stops playing the piano Chanyeol gets scared he left him but then he feels a coldness on his cheek and faintly smiles, moving into the invisible touch. "You're really here." He whispers and he can just see Kyungsoo's beautiful heart-shaped smile greeting him. "Why? Why have you never communicated to me before?" Chanyeol asks to the spirit in front him, heart warming even if he can't see his husband.

 _'Because you didn't believe hard enough that I was here, you were too torn over my demise that you hadn't realized I had always been by your side.'_ Kyungsoo voice says low in his head. The same deep and rich tone as he remembers it to be.

"Please don't leave me, Soo, it will pain me more to lose you a second time." Chanyeol pleads and Kyungsoo goes silent. It's unsettlingly.

 _'I can't stay forever Chanyeol, you know that. I don't belong here. I'm simply here now because you have yet to let me go, when you finally come to let go I'll leave permanently.'_ The younger explains after a while.  
  
"What! B-but I can't Kyungsoo! How can I just push you out of my life like that? You should know that I can never live without you. You've seen yourself that its impossible." Chanyeol says fearfully, leaning forward to envelope his husband in a hug like the old times but all he gets is cold air. It's when his whole body is enveloped in a shiver that he knows Kyungsoo returned his hug even if he can't feel the warmth of his small frame against him.

 _'I love you Chanyeol, so so much that it pains me seeing you beat yourself up over me. I'm not worth it, you deserve better than the despair I've brought upon you. It should be me who is sorry not you.'_ There is a trembling in Kyungsoo's low voice and Chanyeol's tears of agony are returning.  
  
"Don't say that Kyungsoo, don't you _ever_ say that. You're worth everything, I'd sacrifice my _life_ for you in a heartbeat because honestly, there is _nothing_ is this world that can ever replace my love for you." Chanyeol snaps, angry that Kyungsoo would even _say_ something like that. He thinks too lowly of himself.

 _'But I want you to be happy Chanyeol, to live the life that's been given to you. I don't want you to mourn me for the remainder of your life. Be happy, find another person, someone that can make you into the same man I fell in love with, someone you can adopt children with, start a family. Do all the things that I... That I could not.'_ Kyungsoo's crying too Chanyeol notices and it hurts like hell that they couldn't do any of what Kyungsoo's offering.  
  
"I want all that with _you_ Kyungsoo, not somebody else, call me selfish, but there is nobody I desire more than the man with me right now. Not one soul out there in our world can ever come close to you. We're soulmates, we weren't meant to fall apart. If you go I go with you."  
  
_'No! Don't kill yourself Chanyeol,'_ Kyungsoo gasps the coldness on Chanyeol's body disappearing and Chanyeol can only imagine Kyungsoo is wide-eyed with a hand over his mouth in terror, thick brows furrowed. _'—I can't bear the thought that you'd go through so much for me. I'm not that special to just throw your life aside for.'_  
  
"But a life without you is not a life at all!" He argues back.

' _Just let me go, baby, please it's best for you. I promise we'll see each other again, maybe not right now, but definitely in another lifetime. We're soulmates remember.'_ Kyungsoo begs, and Chanyeol walks away plopping onto the sofa with a dissatisfied groan.  
  
"Why do you always ask me for the most arduous things to archive Kyungsoo? Why must you have to be so... _Difficult!_ What if it were me who asked you this, what would _you_ answer? Huh? Would you just forget me like a bad memory? Cast me out of your life and go off with someone else you can't love because you love another? Walk away from your kids because they look _nothing,_ resemble _nothing_ of the dreams of the children you had with that other man?"

When Chanyeol doesn't get a answer he knows Kyungsoo has no answers to give that'll make him feel any better not only because he already knew that Chanyeol knew what he was going to say but also because it would defy the whole point of his pleads.  
  
Long story short Chanyeol is right, Kyungsoo would undoubtedly do the same thing if given the option. "That's what I thought." He scoffs, wiping his tears angrily. "You know what, I bet this is all only a dream I'll wake up eventually, coming back to reality to find out, well, that you're not here. I'll carry on with my lifeless empty life, blaming myself for what I _could_ have protected."  
  
Grabbing the duvet on the couch Chanyeol throws it over his head, hoping to just wake up from this horrible excuse of a good dream. _'Chanyeol baby please don't shut me out, I'm so sorry, what is it you want me to say?'_  There are tears in Kyungsoo's voice and Chanyeol on reflex wants to hug him, kiss his pain away but given their circumstances, that wish cannot be granted.  
  
_'There isn't much I can do but get you to move on, if I don't then he will...'_ he cuts himself off and Chanyeol's eyes widen but he doesn't remove the blanket from over him. He wants to see if Kyungsoo will say anything more. What will happen to Kyungsoo if he doesn't? Will he get hurt? Will something happen to their world like in some insane movie plot?  
  
Chanyeol's heart throbs painfully at the thought and when he pulls the duvet from over himself he calls out to his husband, eyes frantically looking around the living room. "What will happen, Kyungsoo? Will someone hurt you?" He asks worriedly.  
  
Kyungsoo doesn't answer him and Chanyeol begins to panic, "Kyungsoo? Baby? Please if your here I'm sorry, I shouldn't have acted like a child, please. Don't leave me. Tell me why, what will happen to you?" There is still no response, no cold chills, no invisible touches, its all gone.  
  
_Kyungsoo's_ gone.  
  
Chanyeol lays back down, tears leaving his eyes as it was again _his_ fault that Kyungsoo's gone. But this time its also his fault for getting him into trouble and all because he couldn't bring himself to let go. "I'm sorry, Kyungsoo. I'm a horrible husband, I've failed you once again." That is the last thing Chanyeol says before he cries himself to sleep, like all the many nights before.


	3. Obsession

                                        " _Obsession,_  

                                           _Rejection,_

                _Your last breath is now my possession."_

...

Kyungsoo blinks, looking roughly at his surroundings before he abruptly gaps in sheer terror, however anger instantly takes over and he scowls at the man before him.

"What did you do!? What did YOU do!!" Kyungsoo screams, pushing the older, more masculine male in the chest roughly as he was brought back to his world. "I finally got him to hear me! Do you understand how important that is for me! How long I've been _trying_ to get through to him! Huh? Day after day after DAY! And when I finally do you bring me back! What the fuck is wrong with you!"

"Kyungsoo... How many times must I explain to you that it's forbidden to travel to that place. Just face it your husband is not going to let you go, I did what I had to do. Besides, you've violated the rules, consider yourself lucky, this is nothing compared to what punishment you'd really get for your disobedience." The other speaks deadpan, their deep voice booming in the quiet space. Kyungsoo just glares angrily at him, fist clenching tightly his knuckles whitening. The elder man tilts his head. "Or have you already forgotten? If the one does not let the dead go within the time limit given, then we must wipe out their memories, end of story. There are no loop holes Kyungsoo. Embrace your destined fate."

"I won't! What fucked up fate separates two perfectly happy people? I won't accept this, my time is not over yet! I can still save him!" Kyungsoo yells, tugging at his hair exasperated, tears cornering his eyes. He can't let his poor husband suffer anymore than he has already, he cannot permit him to erase... _them,_ erase what they've had, _shared!_

He closes his eyes, _I'm sorry Chanyeol please forgive me, I'm trying everything I can to protect you, to protect your fragile heart._

"Kyungsoo..." the man begins leaning forward to lay his hand on the smaller male's shoulder for comfort. "Don't fucking touch me, you bastard!" He snaps, backing up in disgust, hand over his chest, his tears flowing. "You are not allowed to touch me! I hate you, I HATE you! I swear to god I hate you!"

"I know, but Kyungsoo you have to accept it, its for his own good. If he forgets you he can live a normal _happy_ life, a life without the cloud of regret towering over him. Don't you want that? I think you do, you said so yourself, did you not. He _needs_ to carry on without you, the dead cannot live in the living world. You have to forget about him once and for all." He explains.

"That's my husband, you prick, I can't just leave him alone to endure what he believes is his fault." Kyungsoo growls, but the man just crosses his arms.

"I'm sorry Kyungsoo I hate to give you a reality check but you're dead. Laws strick that when death do you part do they not? Therefore that "husband" you're so desperately attempting to protect is no longer your husband because death has already _parted_ you." Kyungsoo's breath (well if he had any) immediately hitches, his round eyes widening. "Furthermore, rules are rules." He pauses turning around from the young man before him. "I'll commit you a day to say your goodbyes, but that's it, no more. Either you communicate with him telepathically or you don't at all, those are your options. You are _not_ allowed to go visit him personally anymore. You hear me, its forbidden, I gave you your wish, I let you see him its not my fault he didn't listen." Its the last thing the elder male says before he vanishes. Leaving Kyungsoo alone.

"Fuck you and your rules Yifan, I won't let you wipe out the only thing Chanyeol has left. I just can't. I've lost him once, I'll be damned if I lose him again." Kyungsoo declares before he heads back to the living anyway to warn his husband. He'll most likely get in trouble with Yifan later, but right now he doesn't afford to give a damn.

...

"Its true! Kyungsoo was really here!" Chanyeol exclaims for the hundred time that morning, groaning in annoyance. Baekhyun of course stubborn as he was still has yet to believe him. Or even _try_ for that matter

"Are you on meds?" He asks bluntly, sipping his English toffee, only to hiss as he burnt his tongue. _Serves you right for not listening to me._ Chanyeol thinks. "I get it. I get how you miss Kyungsoo and all Yeol, but to be going so far as to imagine _seeing_ the man is going a little too far dont'cha think? Of course being under traumatized stress can cause this, perchance I should call someone to help you through? I have a excellent therapist?"

"I'm not fucking crazy Baekhyun, why don't you get that! I don't require a hospital, or a looney bin, and _certainty_ not a therapist, I need Kyungsoo! I need my husband back!" Chanyeol was really getting sick of people telling him that he should see someone for his supposed trauma but if anything he was far more stable than most.

He sighs, of course if he were in Baekhyun's shoes he'd probably not believe himself either. Sure when he woke up that morning he thought it was all a dream, that everything with spirit Kyungsoo was just a figment his mind created to give him the closure everyone wanted for him but then he noticed there was a unread text on his phone.

And it wasn't from Baekhyun.

 _**From:MyBabyKyungsoo** _  
_**To:ParkChanyeol** _

_**Listen to me baby, whatever you do DON'T keep yourself from moving on, its for your own good I promise. I'm sorry I'll explain everything when I can. Be safe. I love you.** _

"Chanyeol," Baekhyun sighs, putting his coffee down. "Face reality Kyungsoo's gone, he won't be coming back anytime soon, nothing you say or do will make him appear before you. Somebody has to give you the hard truth, Kyungsoo, _your husband,_ is forever dead. All you can do is let him go, keeping him here with you is just hurting you more, can't you see that. Please, as your best friend I beg you, do what's right."

"Why does everyone think that this is the right option? Oh just forget him Chanyeol, live your life Chanyeol, find someone else Chanyeol, do this, do that Chanyeol. Clearly no one is going to believe a crazy person like me so I'll just leave before my contagious craziness ass gets to others."

Standing Chanyeol grabs his coffee and leaves the café without another word.

...

Arriving to thei— _his_ flat Chanyeol keys the keyhole and unlocks the door only to have the wind knocked out of him at how unbelievably cold it is inside. Could he have left the air conditioner on without realizing? He doesn't recall it, it _is_ fucking winter for Christ sake! Dismissing it he walks forward into the apartment, placing the keys in the bowl next to the door. Removing his snow covered shoes and coat Chanyeol sighs, another day is another nightmare.

Suddenly there is a frigid breeze that passes him and Chanyeol shivers, rubbing his arms where goosebumps have arose. Faintly he catches the smell of familiar green apples and in that moment he knew Kyungsoo was back.

"Kyungsoo? Are you here? If you are what happened, why would—" he gets cut off when he feels a coldness on his lips which he can only assume is his husbands finger, ceasing his words.

 _'Don't talk, listen. I don't have much time. He's probably coming for me or watching one of the two.'_ There's a pause before the invisible touch is gone and Chanyeol looks around the room dumbfounded, he can really only guess what his husband is doing, given he can't technically _see_ the man. A drawer opens on its own in the kitchen and Chanyeol walks over towards it to see Kyungsoo's neat handwriting appearing on the blank notepad there.

It reads: **_I'm running out of time, baby he's going to take me back. You have to let go now, if you don't you'll forget me forever. Forget us. Release my ashes on our cliff, the one we first met and where you proposed to me. It's the sole way to get him to stop this blasphemy!_**

"Kyungsoo who's coming for you? Babe please tell me, are you in trouble. I'm worried." Chanyeol panics, and he feels Kyungsoo pass him to the living room.

Pov switch

Kyungsoo turns around looking into Chanyeol worried dark orbs. How much he misses the shine that were there before, now only emptiness lies within them now. _'Yifan. He's the person who's in control of both worlds, my world which is where the dead live and your world where the living live. I'm already passing the boundaries by coming here, its strictly forbidden for the dead to communicate with the living but I just couldn't stand your suffering any longer. I had no choice.'_ Kyungsoo explains fear in his voice, fingers wrangling together.

"Kyungsoo I'll do anything ju—" Chanyeol begins distraught but a voice gets cut of off by another.

 _'That's enough Kyungsoo, your time is up. I gave you a choice and you deliberately disobeyed me.'_ Yifan appears out of nowhere, grabbing Kyungsoo's wrist and Kyungsoo flinches, trying to jerk out of his grasp.

 _'No!'_ The younger pleads looking back to Chanyeol to see him frantically looking around for him and Kyungsoo reaches out. Their fingers touch momentarily, a tingling shock running through Kyungsoo's body, but before Kyungsoo could identify if Yifan pulls the younger back, breaking the contact. _'I can't go back to that dreadful place, I belong here. Let me go! Can't you realize he needs me! That I need him!'_ Kyungsoo's crying now as he tugs desperately to rip out of Yifan's tight grip. This can't be the end.

After fighting for a while Kyungsoo finally succeeds and he immediately runs over to his husband, placing his cold, dead hands on his shoulders and lifts himself up on his toes, meeting their lips in a one last desperate kiss. He doesn't even care what Yifan thinks anymore. To hell with rules if this was going to be the last time the man remembers him he wants to at least have one last kiss, even if the elder has no clue that's what it truly is. _'Don't forget me, Channie, whatever you do, whatever he does don't forget me. I will forever love you, remember this I beg of you!'_ Kyungsoo pleads when he separates from the taller man, tears building up in his eyes.

Chanyeol opens his eyes once the younger finishes and he suddenly squints hard at Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo tilts his head, dread in his optics. Is he too late? Had Yifan made him forget when he wasn't looking?! "T-This may sound insane, but...I can see you Kyungsoo. I can actually _see_ you." His once held in tears were now falling from his eyes, lips quivering as he reaches up to cup Kyungsoo's pale cheek in his trembling hand. Kyungsoo jumps in retaliation, his eyes widening. Chanyeol for the first time in months smiles a real smile. "Even dead you look so beautiful, Soo, paler than usual but still radiant as ever." Kyungsoo reaches up on reflex to cover his husband's hand with his own, opening his mouth to say something but Yifan angrily rips Kyungsoo from Chanyeol's clutches before he could.

 _'Enough, Kyungsoo what have you done! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!'_ He roars, _'How could you have gotten him to see you! That's impossible, the living are not permitted to see the dead! This has gone far enough. Chanyeol won't let you go now so I'll have to do it myself!'_ Yifan says angrily and Kyungsoo begins to fight again but Yifan this time throws him against the nearby wall.

With Kyungsoo no longer in the way Yifan goes up to Chanyeol and punches him right in the face, knocking the other male out instantly. ' _You don't know how long I've been wanting to do that.'_ Yifan breaths out, swinging his hand in the air a couple times from the impact on his knuckles.

Kneeling down once the healing kicks in Yifan places his hand on Chanyeol's head, closing his eyes, he concentrates all his vitality on the task on hand. On all Chanyeol's memories of the younger man. When he has them all he opens his mouth.

Kyungsoo groans in pain _'Fuck, I'm dead yet I still feel pain? How is that even possible?'_ He recovers immediately and when he looks up he thinks he might have just died again. There was Yifan over Chanyeol's unconscious body, mumbling words that Kyungsoo _himself_ couldn't even understand. Kyungsoo's eyes widen, voice cracking as he cries. _'No, Yifan stop! Please don't do this! Chanyeol! I'm sorry. CHANYEOL!!'_ Kyungsoo gets up from the floor to stop Yifan but it's too late, the room is already run short when he gets there and his vision immediately goes black.

 _'Now there's nothing holding you back.'_ Yifan says in a dark tone, one Kyungsoo's never heard been used before.

...

Kyungsoo wakes up sometime afterwards, his head spinning and he moans in pain as his whole body aches. He blinks a couple times to focus on his surroundings. It's when he moves to get up that he realizes he's tied to a chair. Kyungsoo begins to panic, yelling for help, lifting his wrist to break loose. Of course everything he tries proves to be pointless. Just a waste of energy. "Its futile Kyungsoo, you're mine now. There's no Chanyeol getting in my way this time." Yifan grins and Kyungsoo cringes, whimpers leaving his mouth as he tries harder to untie himself.

"Wha-What do you mean?" Kyungsoo was scared, he won't lie, this person was definitely not the same Yifan he knew. Just what the hell is happening. What happened to his husband, what did Yifan do!? Where is he?! Is he alright?! Did he—

"Can I tell you a secret Kyungsoo?" The elder asks cutting through Kyungsoo's thoughts, itching closer to the restrained man. He leans down till they were face to face. Kyungsoo snarls, his eyes narrowing. "I... _killed_ you." He blurts out, tossing his head back to let out a loud laugh. "It was so easy, like stealing candy from a baby. I didn't even have to try you came to me all on your own. You were at the right place at the wrong time."

Kyungsoo's eyes widened and his determination to get loose doubled. He tested the waters. "You're lying."

"Am I?" He raises a brow.

"Then why!?" Kyungsoo wonders out loud.

 _"Why?"_ Yifan repeats, blinking "Why, because I _want_ you Kyungsoo, I couldn't hold you when you were alive, I couldn't kiss you, I could even _touch_ you. And all because of that idiot Chanyeol. But then I acquired a grand idea. If you die then there would be no Chanyeol, no interfaces, there would be nothing to get in my way. Nothing's holding you back now. "Till death do us part, until then I will forever love you, protect you, help you up if you were to ever fall. I will treasure you and treat you right. We will forever be soulmates." That's what you said in your vows, was it not? I merely just made death come sooner than you anticipated. No harm done."

Kyungsoo gasps. "No harm done?! No _fucking_ harm done! I'm dead because of you, my husband blames himself for what _you_ caused. He's beating himself up _everyday_ because of it and you...oh, and yet here you are thinking you have the _audacity_ to say there is no harm done!"

 _"Ex-_ -husband." Yifan corrects, raising a finger.

"No, not ex he _is_ my husband and I love him greatly, nothing you do or say will make me change that. Not even death could split us up. So whatever twisted plan you had going was meaningless. I won't love you in return, I feel absolutely nothing for you! _Nothing!"_ Kyungsoo snaps, wrists reddening from the abuse he's bringing upon them to get away.

"I don't _need_ you to love me in return for me to have you as you are. What are we teenagers?" Yifan scoffs. "I can easily make you forget just as much as I did your precious Chanyeol." Kyungsoo feels his heart break and he instantly freezes, brows furrowed. "Wait, you don't really—? Do you _honestly_ believe that I didn't make that idiot forget you? Oh no you're long forgotten to him, you are absolutely nothing to that man now. Good riddance."

"No." Kyungsoo whispers, he can feel the tears coming but oddly they don't fall. Yet. _It can't be true, Chanyeol couldn't have just forgot all the things we've went through. All those years of building up a relationship, a connection, gone. Our marriage gone?_

"Yes, you don't even exist to him, now he can live a cheerful life without the grief. Admit it Kyungsoo you wanted him to be happy, aren't you glad he is, glad that _I_ helped you give him his life back?" Yifan inquires.

"No," Kyungsoo shakes his head. "—I'm not, this wasn't what I had in mind, I didn't want him to forget _us._ To forget all those wonderful times we shared together. Now...he has nothing, _I_ have nothing."

"The dead don't get happy endings Kyungsoo, if you really expected that you could live happily ever after with that man then you are sadly mistaken. It's taboo to communicate with the living let alone _touch_ them. Of course _you've_ way out did the limits. I myself still have no clue how you managed to get that blasted man to see you. It shouldn't be possible."

The elder sighs when he takes notice that Kyungsoo is crying, small whimpers leaving his mouth. Yifan leans back down to see the other in the eye, but Kyungsoo refuses and when he does Yifan grips his chin bringing their eyes to lock. Naturally, Kyungsoo automatically rips from that action as well. "Don't touch me. I don't want your sympathy."

"Kyungsoo one way or another you _will_ love me back, perhaps not at the moment but one day. I will make damn sure of it." He declares, gritting his teeth. Yifan grabs Kyungsoo's brown hair, getting him to meet his eyes fully, the younger hisses. "I'll use force if I have to." Kyungsoo scowls in disgust and Yifan closes the distance between them.

The kiss is sloppy and wrong and it makes Kyungsoo cry harder, hands gripping the metal chair he's bound to. He attempts to move his head, break the lip-lock, but Yifan has a tight grip on his hair preventing it. He feels useless that he possesses absolutely no power over the situation. His poor husband would shatter completely if he found out. Kyungsoo inwardly trembles at the thought.

Yifan tried to deepen the kiss, running his tongue over the bottom of Kyungsoo's lip, savoring the faint taste of his peach chapstick. Kyungsoo however stubborn as a bull desperately kept his lips together. Eventually Yifan gave up letting Kyungsoo's hair go roughly. "You may be resistant now but give it time I will have you all to myself. One day you will let me possess you."

"Fuck you! Like I would ever let you get near me! The sole reason you can now is because I can't move, otherwise I'd be kicking your ass for even _looking_ at me the way you are." Kyungsoo barks, giving the elder the deadliest glare he could muster.

There is a loud slap that echoes the room and Kyungsoo hisses, very aware of the burn of his cheek. "Watch what you say Kyungsoo, I won't fucking hesitate to do it again. So fucking cocky." Yifan growls, eyes darkening maliciously.

"Bite me!"

Kyungsoo looks up with red-rimmed eyes and Yifan surprised by the glint there looks away. "Don't look at me like that Kyungsoo. The pain in your eyes it too overwhelming." He decides it best to just walk away. "Think about it though, if only for a moment," he says after a pause. "—Think of all the memories we could share, you might actually _enjoy_ yourself more than you did with Chanyeol." Yifan sends a blank look towards the younger only to sigh as Kyungsoo's tears heighten at the mention of the man's name.

 _There's no choice I'll have to erase him as well. It's a shame. But before I can, I need to reclaim my energy._ Yifan thinks, he says nothing more to the young man and just leaves him entirely in the cold, dark room to wallow in his failure.

Kyungsoo immediately screams, now being alone he lets out his pain. His whimpers and hiccups loud in the small room, unbearable to his own ears. Yet Kyungsoo doesn't once care if he looks pathetic or weak, if his once calm facade crumbles to the ground. He needs to let it out. Its too overwhelming to hold it in, he's not even sure how his husband had endured it. He cries more at the thought. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Chanyeol, I failed to keep you out of harm's way." Kyungsoo whispers, voice broken from the tears, "I don't deserve to be called your husband, not after what I've done."

Kyungsoo thinks about just giving up, what was left to fight for anyway? He had no family to run back to, no husband to hold him, no friends to bring comfort. Everything was taken from his very clutches when he was murdered. He's been lied to, kept away from the one he loves most, imprisoned and for what? He'll never get to be free like he thought, he now wouldn't be able to see his husband either.

A moment passes by that Kyungsoo was actually considering just asking to lose his memories as well, he had nothing left to call his own anymore anyway and the pain was just too unbearable so he had nothing to lose.

But then he remembered that Chanyeol in the very last moment had saw him and how that should be considered impossible.

Kyungsoo's eyes widened, he may still have a chance to get his husband to remember, to get him back. However, before he could he had to figure out how to escape.

Kyungsoo scoffs he's married to the trickster Park Chanyeol, was even given the name so in turn there is nothing Kyungsoo can't do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me, I couldn't help myself, Yifan just has that badass/possesive aura its customary that he's my main picked bad guy. 
> 
> Also the rest of EXO will be showing up in the next couple chapters, I assure you. 
> 
> Leave comments, kudos, ect.


	4. Sweet Sacrifices

                                 " _In my darkest hour,_

_A place where there's no light_

_I'm trapped here in this nightmare_

_Searching for the one that has no face."_

...

Baekhyun exhales, hand raised in the air as he stares nearly reluctant at the closed door in front of him. Apartment 301 the door reads. Chanyeol hasn't called him in a close week or even texted him back for that matter, it was getting worrysome. Naturally the elder didn't once think Chanyeol was stupid enough to harm himself but Baekhyun was still fretful for his mental health no matter what he thought. This exact reason would explain why he was here currently.

Baekhyun sucks in one final breath and knocks, trusting that his assumption is right. That Chanyeol is fine and well. He doesn't want to find a even more damaged Chanyeol, one with rope burns around his neck and cut wrists. Baekhyun shivers at the horrible sight alone. _Chanyeol would never_ he assures himself.

He furrows his brows when there is no answer and he tries again. By the third knock is when the door opens and Chanyeol looks at him confused, before beaming "Oh, hey, what's up Baek?" Chanyeol greeted cheerfully a wide grin on his face. Baekhyun raises a brow, since when has he ever been this cheerful? Oh yeah that's right, since Kyungsoo's death. Well at least Baekhyun's thankful there wasn't any proof of him hurting himself.

"Can I come in?" Baekhyun asks casually, Chanyeol nods.

The flat hasn't changed since Baekhyun last visited, still neat as ever. There's a lingering scent of Kyungsoo he notices and Baekhyun slightly trembles as he recalls what Chanyeol told him the last time they've seen one another.

"Why haven't you answered my texts or even called, Chanyeol? I've been worried sick for you. We,  _your friends_ are worried sick?" Baekhyun gets right to the point.

"Was...I _supposed_ to?" Chanyeol says slowly, closing the door behind them before trudging to the kitchen. "Want something to drink? I just made coffee? You can have something else too if you'd like?"

Baekhyun shakes his head, "What's wrong with you, did you finally ask my advice? Is that why you're like this?" There's clearly something amiss with this picture and Baekhyun had not one clue what. Barely a week ago was Chanyeol depressed and angry and now he was happy and... _normal!_ Yep something's not right with this. This is far too bipolar for the elders taste.

"I'm fine, actually more than fine. I'm _ecstatic!_ I haven't felt this alive in years. And what advice are you referring too exactly?" Chanyeol grins behind his mug, sipping what Baekhyun could only assume was white chocolate caramel coffee.

Kyungsoo's favorite Baekhyun points out.

"About Kyungsoo?" Baekhyun urges staring at his best friend carefully, lined eyes studying. Something definitely doesn't add up. Baekhyun's determined to find out why. 

"Kyungsoo?" The younger repeats confused. "Never heard of him, although you do possess a lot of friends, half of them I didn't even catch the names of. Still though, I believe I'd remember a name such as that one. Weird." Chanyeol shrugs and Baekhyun flinches inwardly. _What the hell has happened to you over the past couple days Chanyeol? You're acting like you've forgotten the man completely!_ Baekhyun thinks confused.

"Chanyeol what the fuck! Do you have _any_ idea what you just said? How can you forget Kyungsoo. He's your fucking husband for fucks sake! You've been mourning his death for over a year now? How could you just act like he meant absolutely nothing to you?!" Baekhyun shouts for some reason. He's apparently more madder than he thought. Kyungsoo was practically his brother so yeah hearing that he doesn't even _exist_ to the younger man hurts. Like a lot.

 _"H-Husband!"_ Chanyeol chokes on his drink. "Whoa, _whoa_ hold on since when? Firstly I'm not married Baekhyun, I don't even know who this Kyungsoo dude is, second yes he does mean nothing to me if I have no clue who he is. Sheesh, what has gotten into to you today to even _consider_ something as stupendous as that! I'd think I'd be wed with girl rather than a guy, I go both ways but fuck. Not just that, but gay marriage hasn't even been leagalized in Korea yet. Perhaps you're not feeling well, should I call Jongin to take you home to rest?" Chanyeol gasps with wide eyes.

"W-who are you? I don't even recognize you anymore." Baekhyun whispers, his own eyes wide. Before he could stop himself he speeds to Chanyeol and Kyungsoo's bedroom. He recalls putting all their pictures of them in the room and if Chanyeol is just pulling his leg then he'll know from than.

"What are you—" Chanyeol calls out behind him.

Opening the door Baekhyun's breath immediately hitches, the fragrance of Hawaiian peaches seemingly exploding in his face when he had.

Everything was... _gone._

"Where are they?" Baekhyun turns around to glare at the flabbergasted Chanyeol. "Where did you put them? Quit fucking with me Chanyeol! I don't have time for you stupid games! This isn't funny anymore!"

Chanyeol glares back at him, crossing his arms. "First off I'm not _fucking_ with anyone, and second what are you accusing me of?" Chanyeol says irritated before sighing. "You know what, screw it I think you should go."

"Your husband, your _dead_ husband! I put all the photos of you and him in this room so you didn't have to endure the pain. Where did they go? Even his clothes are missing. Why are you pretending you don't know him? Fuck why are you back to _normal!?"_ Baekhyun runs his hand through his hair exasperated, looking up at this...this Chanyeol _imposter._ He doesn't even know who this man was. This sure as hell wasn't the best friend he knew a week ago.

"I told you Baek, I'm not married, and I didn't disturb anything in this room, there were no pictures of and me and this imaginary man here nor were there clothes. Does any of the shit you're saying even make sense to _you?"_

Baekhyun without thinking reaches for Chanyeol's left hand to show him the wedding ring but he gasps sharply in disbelief as even _that_ was missing. Chanyeol naturally jerks away from the touch. "You need to leave, clearly you're unwell."

When Baekhyun does leave he finds Jongdae and Sehun at his apartment playing video games but when they hear the door close they both give him skeptical look. The look alone tells everything.

Jongdae automatically comes up to his boyfriend and hugs him. "On no, its worse then we thought isn't? I'm so sorry babe, we should have went to him sooner." Jongdae soothes stroking Baekhyun's soft hair with his hand. Baekhyun feels like crying.

Instead he returns the embrace of his beloved, scared that what has happened to Chanyeol will happen with them. He murmurs in the elders shoulder. "Kyungsoo's whole existence to Chanyeol is gone, vanished right into thin air. He doesn't even know he was married. Something is horribly wrong here, Jongdae."

Jongdae pulls away from his boyfriend to give him a unbelieving look. But upon seeing the frightened look in Baekhyun's eyes changes his mind and he looks over towards Sehun then back. "What are we supposed to do, baby?"

"We have to make him remember, to come back to his senses." Baekhyun answers quietly.

"But how?" Sehun cuts in, worry clear even on _his_ face.

"I-I don't know, honestly." He relies distraught.

...

Kyungsoo sighs in relief against the wall as he finally manages to escape Yifan's grasps, a whole seven days is a long time to pretend and Kyungsoo's just extremely glad he is as good as a actor as Chanyeol pegged him to be. He _himself_ wasn't even sure how he happened to fool the elder, but it seems that Yifan _really_ believes he erased his memory, that his whole "scheme" of preserving him to himself was a success.

It must be a dead thing that made him unable to forget.

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes, looking behind his shoulder past the wall to insure no one has seen him. _All clear_ he points out. He has to— no he _needs_ to go back to the living world, he has to _see_ the proof that his husband really forgot him. Who knows, maybe Yifan's whole thinking he has the power to erase one's memory is a scam, had he even _stayed_ long enough to affirm it? Probably not.

It's been a full week of hell for Kyungsoo, pretending to be the perfect boyfriend to the elder, yet trying not to gag or cringe in disgust when Yifan kisses him, or when he tries to fuck him was more than torture to say the least. God Kyungsoo swears it's easy enough to fake smiles and laughs and _love,_ but trying to get out of getting stuffed full of someone's dick other than his husband's is a conflict. Luckily they haven't done any of that (thank goodness) and Kyungsoo's hell damn confident that its never going to. Like _ever._ He's not anyone's lover other than his husband's. No matter how horny he gets he would still rather die than get fucked by someone else. (No pun intended).

Proceeding through the big stone doors when the coast was clear Kyungsoo lets out a deep, shaky sigh that he hadn't realized he'd been holding in. _Finally,_ he thinks. Finally he gets to see his husband, he won't lie he's super excited even if the results go sour. But Kyungsoo has faith that Yifan's memory wipe hadn't worked. It didn't on him so perhaps it won't on Chanyeol either.

Closing his eyes, Kyungsoo let out a one last breath and concentrates on the place he desires most. It's when he takes hold of it that he is wrapped in warm white.

Opening his eyes again Kyungsoo is surrounded by the scent of Hawaiian and pine. He smiles gently. Its the smell of home.  
  
Looking around the living room Kyungsoo doesn't see Chanyeol, of course he knew he was there because he could hear his heartbeat. (Also a dead thing.) He just waits.  
  
Occuping himself he walks over towards the piano, running a solitary finger across its white shine. How he misses playing the instrument on his free time. Misses how Chanyeol would sit by his side and play his guitar in harmony with his playing.

He remembers perfectly the first time he played the instrument. It had been Chanyeol who helped him through the stuff he had trouble on, and even though Chanyeol denies it, Kyungsoo knew he loved the instrument just as much as he did. He most likely loved playing by his _side_ more than anything though. Of course Kyungsoo was always shy and embarrassed when his hand bumped into Chanyeol's when they did but the feeling was mutual for both of them. It had been after a lot of slips of their hands that Chanyeol made the first move and linked their pinkies together, a shy smile on his face as he blushed a beautiful shade of pink.

Now he only wishes he had been more open towards the elder then when he was alive.

There is a creak that cuts through Kyungsoo's thoughts and he looks up to see Chanyeol walking into the kitchen, bulky glasses perched up on the bridge of his nose as he looks down at a sheet of paper, brows furrowed. Kyungsoo's smile widens at the cute sight of his beloved husband and he trudges closer. _'Chanyeol baby, can you hear me?'_ He asks aloud and he expects Chanyeol to look up but he doesn't.

Kyungsoo doesn't want to think the worst just yet and instead tries again. _'Chanyeol, its me, I'm fine, please show me you can hear me.'_ Kyungsoo now before him, tilts his head, brows knitting upwards.

Okay, _now_ he was beginning to getting worried.

Chanyeol looks up this time however and Kyungsoo's face brightens; his dead heart skips. The elder is looking at him Kyungsoo notices... but _not_ at the same time. The younger hesitantly reaches a shaky hand forward to touch the elders face, if only just to engender him to feel him, but his hand goes right through as though Chanyeol is mere air. Kyungsoo gasps, his eyes widen while painful tears gathered in the corners of his eyes. _'Baby come on, I know you hear me. Don't toy with me.'_ Kyungsoo laughs nervously and retracts his hand to hold onto Chanyeol's own, but before he could, he catches sight of what's _not_ on his ring finger.

His ring. The band of Kyungsoo's symbol of love is gone.

 _'No.'_ Kyungsoo looks up, apprehension in his brown eyes. _'No... Y-you couldn't have forgotten me? I begged you not to. We were supposed to be together forever, remember? We're soulmates.'_ Kyungsoo tears fall at once and he reaches to touch him again, but like before Chanyeol is not a solid body like he should be. _'All those years and for what? To be cast away from you forever?'_

Chanyeol pulls the glasses off his face and sets the sheet of whatever he was reading down. Dark eyes in deep thought. "Kyungsoo..." He murmurs and said person looks up, newfound hope visible in his features. Maybe he _had_ heard him and he was just jumping to conclusions too quickly. "—why does that name sound so familiar? Baekhyun mentioned it like it was someone more important than just marriage yet I've never heard of the man. Still, then why do I feel as though I've known him for years?" Chanyeol runs a hand through his hair, pushing back the loose strands that has fallen on his forehead. Right then Kyungsoo feels his heart break, his tears shedding further down his puffy cheeks. _'You really have forgotten.'_ Kyungsoo covers his mouth with his hands, eyes flared wide.

The younger soon walks away and sits himself at the piano, whatever hope that had been clouding his spirit has now vanished and Kyungsoo just cries more at the realization, face in his palms.

What made him really think there was a future for them? He was fucking dead! He has to face it eventually...Yifan was right the dead don't get happy endings. He was a fool to even _conceive_ the thoughts that Chanyeol had a chance with him as he was now.

Kyungsoo removing his hands, wipes them on his jeans, and rises up the cover to the piano. This was his only shot, this was how he got his husband to believe the paranormal then perhaps it can do it again. Kyungsoo already knew texting him was useless because he most likely didn't have his number in his contacts nor would he recognize who he was. The pain returns tenfold.

Kyungsoo presses a b flat and when Chanyeol doesn't even look up from his thoughts at the tune Kyungsoo let's out a strained breath. He can't even _hear_ anything out of the ordinary.

Kyungsoo plays anyway, if not for his husband then for himself.

His voice shockingly doesn't break.

 _'Lately I’ve been thinking, thinking bout what we had_  
_I know it was hard, it was all that we knew, yeah_  
_Have you been drinking, to take all the pain away_  
_I wish that I could give you, what you deserve'_

Kyungsoo tears increase at the lyrics of his own sorrow but he doesn't stop playing. He just can't find himself to. The younger looks up with red-rimmed eyes at his husband to see that he his staring up, but not at him. Never again would he look at him. There's no love or sadness in his eyes like there was in his own. They were just empty. Just like his soul.

 _'Cause nothing can ever, ever replace you_  
_Nothing can make me feel like you do, yeah_  
_You know there’s no one, I can relate to_  
_I know we-we won’t find a love—'_

Kyungsoo finally breaks down and the song ends abruptly. Falling forward the younger buries his head in his arms, the keys of the piano underneath them sounding broken and off tune.

His agony pours out of him all at once, and he lets it, his shoulders shaky. There was no one to stop him otherwise, no one to tell him to man up, to face reality. All that was gone. Honestly this was the most he's ever cried in his life, with his quiet calm composure it kinda makes sense. He's not normally one to wear his heart on his sleeve but right now he can say fuck it, the only thing that feels right is to release all his suffering and that's exactly what he going to do. It's his closure.

It's when there's a shuffling noise next to him that Kyungsoo looks up from his arms. His eyes flare wide when he is greeted with nobody other than Chanyeol. The look on his face is unmistakable. He's lost. He's lost somewhere within himself. Kyungsoo takes notice that his husband is trying to escape the hell of not knowing. Kyungsoo wipes his tears away.  
  
There's still hope.

Chanyeol takes a deep breath once he sits down and closes his eyes. He runs his callused fingers over the keys before, beginning to play. Kyungsoo recognizes the song immediately.

 _'I am searching for the one I can't see anymore,_  
_I am listening for the one I can't hear anymore,_  
_I can see the things I couldn't see,_  
_can hear the things I couldn't hear,_  
_You've given me this power ever since you left me right here'_

Kyungsoo stops singing and stands, its too much knowing that Chanyeol, out of all the songs they've played together would pick that _one_ song.

As Kyungsoo walks away though is when he spots something out of the corner of his eye.

A envelope.

One that looks awfully familiar.

Turning on his heel the younger trudges over towards it and carefully picks it up with cold hands. It's old given with how the white of the paper had faded a shade dirtier, yet even if it looked as such doesn't mean it was especially given that Kyungsoo had written it only months ago. The younger doesn't once over think why out of all the things that got erased _this_ was the only thing that got saved. Perhaps the gods he has yet to go too are giving him a sign that there is still a chance for Chanyeol's memory to return.

Kyungsoo brings the piece of proof to his lips, _'I have hope strong enough to bring you back to me Chanyeol. I won't loose you just yet. Our love is far too powerful to be destroyed by mere memory wipe. I know you'll come back to me.'_ Kyungsoo kisses the envelope with all the love he has for his husband before he places it next to the glasses and slip of paper that the elder was reading earlier so he would see it if he were to ever go back to them.

Kyungsoo decides then that he's been gone long enough to cover his escape so not to make Yifan grow suspicious he heads back to his world. Sending one last longing look to his husband he smiles. He really _would_ do anything for that man.

Switching areas again Kyungsoo is brought back to his own world and he opens his eyes. His smile fades as he wasn't nearly prepared for what greeted him. _"So..._ that's where you really went, I see now." Yifan announces, his face was calm but Kyungsoo knew he was angry.

"All this time I thought something was off with you, now I can see I was right. You're still the same Kyungsoo who was in that chair. And here you are now playing me a fool." Yifan shakes his head disappointed. "I'll hand it to you though, you've got great acting if you can had me convinced this long."

There was no point in denying now. "So what if I am? I only did what I had to so I could be in your good graces. Therefore I never once belonged to you, I belong to Chanyeol."

Yifan cocks a brow. "Speaking of whom how was your little visit with the so-called husband? Find everything you needed? I told you I erased his memory, why can't you come to realize that?"

"Because he still has a chance. _We_ still have a chance!" Kyungsoo shouts, standing his ground.

Yifan shakes his head, "Kyungsoo, Kyungsoo, Kyungsoo. There's nothing of you left to him. You're gone, bye bye. Your existence is forever vanished, you have nothing to prove. Just give up, you're mine now."

"No, I'm not. Eventually you will come to realize yourself. I don't _belong_ to you, you can't _claim_ me as yours, not when I'm already someone else's." He glares angrily, fists clenched.

Yifan walks closer and Kyungsoo braces himself. This time he's not tied down so he can defend himself. Yifan may be bigger than him in built but Kyungsoo was without doubt faster. "Not yet." He assures with a grin. Kyungsoo cringes.

Leaning forward Yifan grabs Kyungsoo's wrist, whipping him around so his back was to his chest, hand coming up to circle his neck, the grip threatening. Kyungsoo blinks, how had he gotten to him so fast? "All I need to do is fuck you then you'll be mine completely. The spell will take its toll then." Yifan whispers in the younger's ear, his hand tightening. 

"S-spell!?" Kyungsoo gasps, his struggling to get loose lessening at the sudden news.

"I told you didn't I? I had the hunch that something was off with you, so in order to never loose you to that other man I put a secret spell upon you. Now its time to fulfill it."

"Wha-what!" Before Kyungsoo could say anything else he was roughly pushes up against a wall. Hand behind his back. Kyungsoo looks to his side, a snarl leaving his throat. "It's time for your punishment, my sweet." He purrs in the other's ear and Kyungsoo's eyes widen.

He just can't fucking win!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 4 yay!!
> 
> Okay so the chapters are like rising in number the more I post, it was originally supposed to be 4 but then I got more ideas and 4 turned to 6 and now that I'm nearing the 6 mark its going up again. So lets just leave it as I have no idea how many chapters this fic will have.
> 
> I'm honestly trying my hardest to update faster for all those who are anxious to read it, I really am but some ideas I can't think of right off the bat. But I thank you all for waiting on my slow butt.
> 
> Ugh, being a writer is stressful.
> 
> Lastly thank you all for your patience again and like always leave comments for thoughts or just for...well for anything, they are always greatly welcomed. I love you all


	5. Returns

_"I made myself at home, in the cobwebs and the lies_

_I’m learning all your tricks, I can hurt you from inside_

_I made myself a promise, you would never see me cry_

_Till I make you"_

...

Yifan uncomfortable with the current position, turns Kyungsoo around so his back meets the wall roughly, delicate wrist pinned on either side of his head. Like this Kyungsoo was breathtaking, the way his eyes sharpened, the scowl on his plump lips, the growl of distaste. Yes, there was no doubt about it, Kyungsoo was most beautiful when angry.

Kyungsoo glare of disgust has yet to dissipate and Yifan finds himself chuckling because of it. "Your looks don't scare me Kyungsoo," he moves in. "—if anything they just turn me on. What about you?" He purrs nipping at Kyungsoo's earlobe, running his lips down to his neck to inhale his intoxicated scent.

"You're sick." Kyungsoo spats and even though his head was to the side (not that he had a choice to move it otherwise), his glare doesn't once falter. "But go ahead...do your worst, you can't _break_ me. If you really believe that raping me will make me yours then your mistaken. This just makes my will to escape you stronger."

Yifan smirks viciously against his neck. "You say that now, Kyungie but wait until I'm done with you." His voice lowers and he bites Kyungsoo's neck, leaving the flesh beneath his mouth to bruise a beautiful purple. "You'll be _begging_ for more."

The younger hisses. "Don't call me that. You have absolutely _no_ right. Only my husband can call me that. You however are nothing but a worthless piece of trash in my eyes. One that lies and manipulates people for their own ridiculous schemes!" He bites back. Finally having struck a nerve, he pulls at his wrist in a attempt to release them.

Yifan snarls, releasing one of the younger's wrist to land a rather hard punch to Kyungsoo's temple, causing the younger to curse, sliding down the wall in pain. _Still with the godforsaken pain!_ He thinks bitterly. "What did I tell you about badmouthing me? Do it again and you'll get it much worse."

Kyungsoo laughs dryly at this said and Yifan pulls him up from the arm he still has in his grasp. "And what could possibly be so fucking funny Kyungsoo?" Yifan growls, the only flaw his precious had was his fucking mouth.

"Be my guest," he looks up, his own smirk present on his heart-shaped lips. "—I've been beaten and broken much worse than this. I've got hit by a truck, which in truth turns out to be _intentional, killed_ during surgery, _forgotten_ by my own husband, and now I'm about to be raped by my murderer. So yes its safe to say I've been through shit so do what you will, nothing you do won't hurt nor affect me anymore."

Yifan means to punch him again just for the fuck of it but a soft voice comes forward causing the elder to freeze mid-way. "That is enough Kris, you've escaped my grasps for the last time, now let the poor man go." The voice was calm and gentle and Kyungsoo looks over to see a man he's never once met before.

"Yixing." Yifan addresses, venom dripping in his tone. He drops Kyungsoo like a discarded puppet. "I left that name ages ago, how many times must I remind you of this before you actually get it through your head?" He crosses his arms. "Furthermore who are _you_ to tell me what to do. Kyungsoo is and will forever belong to me. End of story."

Yixing walks closer to the two men, shaking his head. "No, Kris I'm afraid he doesn't, you can't claim what's already been taken. That's not how our or their world works." Kyungsoo blinked at him, one, twice. How does this person know about them? About him and his husband? "Now...I'll be taking my rightful place back. This time I'll be _sure_ to lock you up for good."

Yifan laughs, taking a step forward himself. "Ha, pull a page out of your own book. _Taken?_ That's a good one. Besides don't you remember how well that went last time? If I recall you weren't so lucky, given that you nearly _died._ "

Yixing closes his eyes, the pain of the memory clear on his face. "Yes, that may be true Kris, but I also _saved_ a lot of crushed broken souls in the process for it. You're..." he exhales shakily. "—You were not the same person you was before and you were a danger to both yourself and others. I did what I had to do."

"Oh, is that right? Well now who's fault do you think that was exactly? Do you think I would've been the way I am now if you hadn't done what you did?" Yifan questions, there's something laced in his voice Kyungsoo notices, something's he's never witnessed before. Other than that Kyungsoo was utterly lost. Did the two _know_ each other? Were they _involved_ in some way? Had this Yixing done something beyond unforgivable to bring Yifan to break others, to trick them into thinking that there was no future?  
  
So many questions, yet not one answered.

"I've said I was sorry Kris, it was a _mistake,_ he meant nothing. How many times must I explain this? There were absolutely _no_ feelings attached." Yixing furrows his brows, placing a hand over his heart to emphasize himself.

 _So there_ was _something between them, but Yixing cheated bringing his lover Yifan to fall into the dark._ Kyungsoo concludes. The younger hates to admit it but he kinda feels bad.

Kyungsoo furrows his brows, over the years even _he_ had the fear Chanyeol would cheat on him with another. That he would grow bored, _tired._ That he would seek another's company other than his own. Someone who is more fun, active, _funny._ Someone he can match in personality. He loves Chanyeol unconditionally, there's no doubt about that and even though Chanyeol says he does as well the terror of losing him because of his quiet, boring nature is still tormenting.  
  
Tears suddenly find their way to Kyungsoo optics at the thought. _Chanyeol doesn't even know, he won't even realize that he's hurting me if he were to find someone else. With his forgotten memory and all he would have no clue that he's cheating. That he's breaking our bond._  Kyungsoo thinks worriedly vision blurry from the incoming tears.

His thoughts get disrupted when Yifan speaks.

"Well your apology is bullshit, everything that comes out of your _mouth_ is bullshit. I trusted you, and you _betrayed_ me. Face the monster you created!"

"I guess I have no choice then, I tried reasoning yet you _still_ don't listen. Perhaps the only way I can get you to stop your actions is to kill you." Yixing says sadly, eyes casting towards the floor.

Kyungsoo didn't know what came over him but he stands and runs up to the two, holding his arms out between them. "No, this is crazy, there _must_ be another way, you can't kill someone who's clearly dear to you!" Kyungsoo furrows his brows, soft brown eyes looking fearfully at Yixing.

"Don't protect him Kyungsoo." Yixing says surprisingly gentle. "Or did you already forget that he killed you and was just about to rape you? Trust me this man doesn't deserve protecting."

"I'm not "protecting" anyone, clearly there must be some other way? Another way to get the man you love back? Don't take me wrong, I hate Yifan for what he's become, of what he _done_ and _is_ doing to me but now realizing that this isn't his true self makes the hate lessen. (Only a little, might be add). Please, find another way. Death..." Kyungsoo's voice breaks. "Death is never the solution. Believe me I know."

"He never _loved_ me, Kyungsoo. He loved Junmyeon not me, I was just a fling to him, someone he can call to release his desires. A fuck toy! There was no _real love_ between us." Yifan clears up, eyes narrowing.

"No that's not true Yifan," Yixing takes a step closer. "I _did_ love you, I still do that's why I have to do this, not for me, not for you, but for the _both_ of us. Taking your life takes mine as well, its the spell I've cast upon us, we share the same end. The same _fate."_ There's tears in the gentle man's tone now.

 _"Stop!_ You're doing this deliberately to fuck with my head, who are _you_ to say we have a fate. That we're _fated?"_ Yifan declares, fist clenching, knuckles white.

Kyungsoo moves aside, letting to two resolve their past problems. He was never good with situations such as this but he doesn't exactly fathom the idea of people killing each other to resolve them either. It's cruel. True Kyungsoo may seem cold and heartless at first glance but he's truly a sweet caring person. And out of all the things he hates the most has to be when people he knew fought. 

"I'm not, Kris, I swear I'm not. Please just hear me out I beg of you." Yixing attempts to calm the elder down. To get him to listen. "I've _always_ loved you, Junmyeon was just a misunderstanding."

" _A_   _misunderstanding?_ Is that what you're calling it? You _fucked_ another man Yixing! You _cheated,_ not me! I was faithful to you and you clearly disrespected that. Was I not good enough for you or something? Was there something I wasn't _giving_ you? Were you being mistreated? Please just tell me, _what the fuck_ went through your head to even _conceive_ the thoughts of your actions?"

"I-I don't know," Yixing breathes out, running a hand through his messy fringe, "—I honestly don't know, things just happened so fast I-I couldn't process it all at once. But...But I _am_ truly sorry, I really am you have to believe me. I'm still the person you fell in love with I swear I just made a very horrible mistake. Please we can start over, just give me another chance. Give _us_ another chance."

Yifan was close to tears now Kyungsoo realizes but the elder just hides them with closing his eyes. Clearly he was confused for he kept backing away from the approaching male. "No, you're lying, you're just going to trick me again. I'm not falling for your games."

"Its not a game, Kris, its not. I'm being honest, we can begin anew, forget all the bad and replace it with good. I'll be faithful, I'd treat you the way you're _meant_ to be treated. I promise, please just stop what you're doing. Don't you see what you're are causing?! Can't you see that you're hurting Kyungsoo the same way I hurt you? You took him away from the love of his life – from his _soulmate_ – and for your own selfishness. You think taking him away will replace your pain, that it will fill up the hole in your soul but it won't, I won't baby please just come to realize this. _Please."_ Tears fall from Yixing's eyes and Yifan furrows his brows.

Sudden the elder falls to the ground, his unshed tears finally spilling from his eyes. "Oh my god, your  _right_ I-I..." he covers his face with his hands. "What have I done?" Yixing immediately runs up to the elder and envelopes him in a warm embrace. "Nothing, you've done nothing wrong, it wasn't your fault, it is mine. Please forgive me. I'm sorry, I'm _so_  so sorry."

Kyungsoo smiles a small smile, brows still furrowed. It would seem Yixing finally got through to the real Yifan. Now if only he can get Chanyeol to remember him then he can be happy once more.  
  
The younger begins to walk away from the two, ignoring the throbbing pain, but gets stopped when Yixing calls out to him. "No, wait Kyungsoo, please? I still have something I need to show you."

Kyungsoo turns, unshed tears shining in his dark orbs. "Huh?" He inquires confused.

"Chanyeol remembers you. The only reason he saw you before was because...well because you're not dead." Kyungsoo's eyes widened. "Not fully at least. You triggered something, I'm not sure what but something about your guys' love is... _Special."_  

...

_1 hour earlier_

Chanyeol sighs deeply, finally removing his hands from the piano to stand up. He didn't even know how long he's sat there but it was enough to keep himself pondering. _Why'd I play that song?_ He kept asking himself, eyes lost in space as he now sits himself down on the couch, looking up at the white ceiling. _And why do I feel like I've played it with someone else?_

Ever since Baekhyun's visit Chanyeol's been getting these weird urges to do stuff he normally wouldn't even _think_ to see himself doing. For instance play the piano, he hasn't played the instrument since his childhood, he didn't even know why his mom was so intent on keeping it to begin with especially when he doesn't play it anymore anyway. It was a waste of space really.

Closing his eyes for a mere second Chanyeol suddenly feels his head ache and a lost memory floods his consciousness.

_'I am searching for the one I can't see anymore,_

_I_ _am listening for the one I can't hear anymore,_

_I can see the things I couldn't see, can hear the things I couldn't hear,_

_you've given me this power ever since you left me right here'_

_Chanyeol closing his eyes, smiles softly as he basks in the heveanly voice that's entering his hearing, its so rich and calm and drips like velvet chocolate. Suddenly he misses a key as he had bumped into their hand. Looking over he sees the other male smile shyly up at him. He's all to fine about the song ending._  
  
_Chanyeol chuckles softly, adoring the heart-shaped his lips are creating, links their pinkies together. The man jumps at the bold action, his eyes widening before he looks away to hide the blush rising onto his pale complextion. "Hey, don't be embarrassed Soo." Chanyeol's voice sounds like honey when he says this and he gathers his courage to lift the younger's chin up until their face to face, thumb rubbing against his sharp jawline. "You're beautiful, have a little more confidence in yourself."_

_The other meets his eye instantly, their bottom lip between their teeth in a timid manner. Chanyeol finds the sight far too adorable to ignore and he leans in, placing his lips over the other's in a soft passionate kiss._

Instantly Chanyeol gasps. Getting thrown out of his memory he bolts upright, eyes snapping open, his breathing coming out erratic. _What was that?_ Who _was that?_ Chanyeol thinks. Instantly. He stands shaking his head of any incoming answers.  
  
No, things were just getting too weird.

Walking over towards the kitchen, Chanyeol fills a glass of water and gulps it down in one go. It's when he's whiping his mouth of any escaped drops that he hears his phone ringing atop the granite. He sets the empty glass down.  
  
Chanyeol recognizes the caller ID and he immediately picks it up. He's forgiven the elder's odd behavior from before. With this resolved he swipes the green and speaks. "Hello?"

 _'Hey Yeol, its me again. Can we purchance meet up?'_ Baekhyun's voice comes from the other line, their tone shaky.

"Um, yeah sure? Are you perhaps feeling better?" Chanyeol asks, leaning against the counter, leg crossed above the other.

 _'Hmm, much, thank you.'_ Baekhyun hums back.

"Good, so where are you wanting to meet then?"

_'At the park, two blocks from your apartment, Jongdae's with me as well hope you don't mind?'_

"Not at all, I'll be there in... 15?" Chanyeol suggests, squinting to look at the clock on the wall in the living room.

 _'Sure, see you soon.'_ That's the last thing Baekhyun says before the line goes dead and Chanyeol lightly tossed his phone back on the counter, sliding the papers that were lying there aside. It's also when he had that he takes a closer look at the moved objects. Of _what_ was there.

"Well that wasn't here before." Chanyeol whispers, catching sight of a mysterious envelope. Walking towards the discovery, the elder picks it up gingerly, inspecting it front to back.

"Okay... _Definitely_ the weirdest thing as of yet." Ripping the seal completely, Chanyeol takes out the folded pieces of paper that was nested inside. It consists of two sheets. Unfolding them Chanyeol is instantly mesmerized by the neat handwriting before he begins to read what's written on its face.

**_Dear Park Chanyeol,_ **

**_If you're reading this then that must mean something has happened to bring my death. Its silly to write a letter before I'm dead obviously, but some things just can't be said in the limit their given. They don't get the chance. You're my husband and yet I feel I can't tell you everything I wish to, not because I don't trust you but because... I'm a coward. Pathetic huh? There are times I want to emerse myself in the darkness, to actually believe that that was my only sanctuary, others I just want to rip my hair out because of all the stuff I'm keeping from you. Stuff that is important to our marriage. Over the years I really thought I would end up alone, did you know that? That I would die a quiet empty life, with no one to miss me, to hold me, to tell me at my last breath that I was the main reason for their happiness. To this day it still feels so surreal that it was you who shed those words to me. On the other hand...you're a idiot, did you know that? A big idiot. Bringing me into a world I knew never existed, giving me a life, awarding me with something I can call my own, something to cherish. You may be a idiot and a moron and completely hopeless sometimes but you're my complete idiotic moron, one that I fell madly in love with. I've always wanted to say this to you, I really did. To tell you all the things I feel, to express all my bottled up feelings like most but I just...couldn't. I felt insecure. I knew though that you'd never judge or laugh at my struggles because you know as good as I do that I'm not good with words, that I can't be straightforward like you, that I can never wear my heart on my sleeve, yet even knowing this I still couldn't let them out. No matter how hard I tried, wanted I still couldn't face my cowardess._ **

Chanyeol slides over to the next page now, eyes watering without him realizing.

**_I love you Chanyeol and if I am dead then don't hold on please, I don't want you be shattered, I don't want you to loose that ball of sunshine you give out. I want you to live a happy cheerful life, a life without the grief. I know that's gonna be hard for you, given you loved me more than anyone in the entire universe but for me, please try. I promise I'll always be there when you need me most, maybe not in person but definitely there. I will look over you like you've done for me, I'll return the favor, give you what you've given me. I owe you that much. I personally owe you a lot, so I only hope that this will be enough to show how much I'm grateful for your existence. For being my savoir._ **

**_Thank you, I'm sorry, I love you._ **

**_Sincerely, Your husband Kyungsoo_ **

Chanyeol feels the salty drops falling down his cheeks now and he lets out a shaky breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding in. His legs give out and he falls to the floor, knees to his chest. "He was real, this whole time I kept thinking he was nothing, that he _meant_ nothing when really...he was the most important person to me." Chanyeol says quietly. He now accepts everything Baekhyun told him, but why doesn't he remember? Why is there no existence? Why is life being so cruel? What has he ever done to deserve this torture? 

Chanyeol knew that the letter couldn't be fake, there was just _no_ way someone can pour that much of their heart, of their _feelings_ into one peice of tree just for the fuck of it. They would have to know every fiber, every emotion, every  _thought,_ of the man and even then it couldn't be this heart shattering. This was the _real_ Kyungsoo's work.

 _Chanyeol's_ Kyungsoo.

He believes now that the person Baekhyun was so desperately trying to get him to remember was not just some made up person, a _game._ He was really here, breathing, alive and with _him_ no less, he however like the failure he is had forgotten.

Kyungsoo like always knew things before they happened. He _knew_ that this would occur, that his husband would shut down, lock himself out from the outside world, loose his soul to the tragedy of losing the one he cared most for. That exact _reason_ was why he wrote the letter. It was to get him back on his feet, to _tell_ him what he didn't get the chance to.

Chanyeol feels his heart clench painfully at the thought and he knew it wasn't just a coincidence, his heart remembered the pain clearly but his brain doesn't. Not anymore at least.

"I need to talk with Baekhyun he has to know what's happening to me. Maybe he can clear this whole mess up." Chanyeol declares whiping his tears. Letter in hand, he stands and immediately heads to the front door. Grabbing his keys, he slips on his shoes and coat before leaving the apartment.

He doesn't take his car, and instead walks to the nearby park, its chilly yes, but its also better to clear his head, to take in the fresh air before all the new yet familiar memories sink in.  
  
As he walks though the elder gets the feeling that he's being watched and on reflex he looks behind him.

There was nobody.

_P-perhaps I'm just over thinking things._

Continuing Chanyeol turns the corner and when he does be feels it again. A cold shiver runs through his veins and he quickly looks up, automatically meeting soft but gentle eyes. There's a calm smile on his face as though he's found what he was looking for. Still the smile wasn't malicious or creepy like some stalker but instead as though he'd found a close friend. Someone... _precious._  

Chanyeol not one to take unknown chances proceeds to the park, ignoring the calm man's gaze. He sets a faster pace when the person follows him. It was when Baekhyun came into view that Chanyeol fucks walking and sprints into a run.

"Whoa, calm down Yeol, where's the fire?" Jongdae immediately comments, brow raised.

"Sorry, I hope I'm not too late, some guy was following me and it was creeping me out, he's right over there actually." Chanyeol points and Baekhyun interested looks over the taller man's shoulder.

"Uh, there's no one over there Chanyeol. Are you feeling okay?" He asks worried, meeting the other's eyes.

Chanyeol furrows his brows and looks back at the stranger. What is Baek talking about, he's still there. Is it only _him_  that can see him? Chanyeol decides to worry about that later. "Uh, yeah... Anyway what did you want to meet about?" Chanyeol inquires, looking around, eyes showing slight fright. It doesn't help matters that the park is pretty much isolated.

"Oh, yes. I wanted to, and hear me out before you answer, know more and ask more about Kyungsoo. You know your husband?"

"Ah yes I too wanted to know myself. I was actually hoping you could tell me more about him, you know to help me remember."

"Really? Wow, why so sudden? Just a couple hours ago were you literally thinking I was some crazed lunatic?"

"Well, I found this. Or well it found me." Chanyeol hands the older male the letter from within his pocket.

Jongdae looms over his boyfriend's shoulder while the both read what's been handed to them.

Chanyeol wrings his fingers together as he waits, looking back at the person with no name. The man is mumbling coherent words under his breath and Chanyeol begins to grow weary before looking back at his two friends. He just won't look anymore.  
  
"Oh my god, I-I didn't even know." Baekhyun looks up, tears ready to fall from his eyes at any moment as he looks over towards his boyfriend. "Kyungsoo was in so much pain before and here I was thinking he was just a loner."   
  
"Where did you get this from?" Jongdae asks, eyebrows knitted.   
  
"Well, I'm jot sure exactly, one minute it wasn't there the next it was. Although, it did have a address on the corner from who it was sent to. The initial I think spelt K.M. Do you know anyone with those initials?" Chanyeol was starting to get a headache now, and he out of curiosity looks back behind him to see the mysterious man still whispering things. _All those people are walking right by him and not one finds it strange?_ He thinks distraught.    
  
"Kim Minsoek." Baekhyun finally says, fingers gripping the sheets of paper like a lifeline. "He was Kyungsoo's best man and childhood friend. He is the only person, the only being that could understand Kyungsoo completely. Kyungsoo trusted Minsoek so much that he gave his whole heart to him. This letter is a peice of him, that is why Kyungsoo was so intent on you seeing it when he died. So you knew all his thoughts, his fears, his love."  
  
"Wh—" Chanyeol cuts himself off as he places a hand on his head, his vision was acting funny while his hearing was muffled.   
  
"Chanyeol?" Jongdae called out, noticing the younger's odd behavior. "Are you alright you're looking kinda pale?"   
  
Chanyeol shook his head, "S-something's not right. I- I..."" He was beginning to grow light-headed and before he could say anymore his vision blackens and he falls to the ground. Unconscious.   
  
"Oh my god Chanyeol!" Baekhyun shreaks.

...

"Kyungsoo!" Chanyeol bolts upright, a hand stretched out in front of him as though to grasp onto something. Or _someone._ Looking at his hand he notices how there's a ring on his ring finger and he goes to investigate but someone speaks before he could.

"Chanyeol." At the call of his name said person frantically looks to his side to see a worried Baekhyun and Jongdae. He's sweaty and breathing heavy but his dream is still very much alive in his conscious. "You were crying in your sleep. And calling out Kyungsoo's name." Baekhyun looks over towards his boyfriend in worry, then back. "Do you remember him? Your husband?"

Chanyeol nods without hesitation. "Yes, he was begging me not to forget him, crying as he told me he loved me and I..." Chanyeol's voice cracks and he covers his face with his hands, ashamed. "And I forgot. I forgot my own husband, even after he begged and pleaded for me not too. I still... This is all my fault."

"No, Yeol, don't say that. It's not your fault, whoever did this to you is who is at fault. Kyungsoo wouldn't want you to blame yourself, he'd know you couldn't stop whoever did this." Baekhyun reassures, rubbing his back soothingly.

"But how? How did I regain them back though? How long have I even been out?"

"A week." Jongdae speaks up, "We were really worried you were in a coma or something. The doctors oddly enough found nothing wrong to confirm it so they had us take you home. Told us to keep a eye on you just in case."

"As for your memories... I don't know, maybe a guardian angel came down from the heavens to take notice to your suffering and brought them back. Or whatever made you loose the memories in the first place only lasted so long?"

"I don't know but I need to find Kyungsoo, I have to know he's alright." Chanyeol whispers determined, getting out of the bed to heads into the living room. "Kyungsoo?" He calls out, eyes searching every corner.

Baekhyun and Jongdae run after him, giving each other skeptical glances. "Chanyeol Kyungsoo's not here, he died. Please, go back to bed, take in some more rest, we can clear this up tomorrow. Clearly you regaining your memories is still fucking with your head."

"No Baek, I'm fine. I feel fine. Its true that Kyungsoo may be dead but he still comes to me, he never leaves my side. Kyungsoo baby please answer me. I'm sorry, I'm so _so_ sorry. I shouldn't have forgotten, I'm a failure to you I know this and you're probably disappointed in me but I beg of you please let me know you're okay."

There's silence for a moment and Chanyeol heads into the kitchen to retrieve his phone, waiting for a text message, a call. _Anything._

"Chan—" Baekhyun begins but gets cut off when there's a soft murmur that comes from the bedroom. Baekhyun's eyes widen and Chanyeol instantly makes a run for the room.

He gasps in shock once he gets there. Baekhyun and Jongdae on his heels.

"K-Kyungsoo?" Baekhyun stutters for him, eyes wide like sausers as he stares in disbelief at the man before them. _H-how is this even possible!?_ He gasps.

"Hi, baby." Kyungsoo smiles warmly at Chanyeol, tears easily heard in his voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. I was stuck on the end for quite some time. Inspiration was being cruel to me.^^
> 
> So since I made this chapter longer than the rest I might actually be able to fit the final in the next chapter. Yay~!! Naturally It'll be longer than this one so it might take time updating it too. 
> 
> Thank you all for reading


	6. Just a clear up

Hello guys this is not really a chapter I just wanted to make things more clear. Mainly about the minor details about Yixing, Junmyeon and Yifan's past that I did not mention in the fic. So here we go^-^

As we all know Yixing is dead, clearly, but given that he is the rightful guardian of both worlds is able to go between them whenever he so pleases. Also as well as appearing human to those he desires. Yifan and Yixing were together at this time but during his otherworldly visits he encountered Junmyeon. A mortal. Naturally they hit it off. Junmyeon of course not knowing Yixing was dead found himself infatuated per se with him. One thing lead to another and before they knew it they ended up having sex. Yixing felt horrible about it afterwards and erases Junmyeon's memory of that night as well as his existence, hoping he was secure with the guilt of nobody knowing. Although, Yifan had followed him out of curiosity and from such actions ends up going slightly crazed, shutting his emotions and care for the world off.  
  
Yifan left, disappearing from the world altogether.

Years go by that Yixing hears that the humans of the living world were dying. Yet not from natural causes like they should be. Someone was _killing_ them and Yixing, as the guardian, is sent out to find out who and why. That was when he found it was Yifan who was to blame. He was different, _malicious_ and Yixing nearly used up all his life force to lock him up resulting with him nearly dying.

Roughly ten years after (dead timeline which would be around 5 in the living timeline) Yifan remained locked away, but Yixing's barrier could only last so many years before it breaks.

Being free again Yifan goes back to the living in search of another victum. That's when he finds Kyungsoo, a sweet, innocent man with smile that could melt ice. He normally wouldn't stay with mortals long as not to grow attached, but Yifan _liked_ being close to Kyungsoo, he felt at ease for once. He studies him for a while, reconizing himself with the man's surroundings. Of course that's also how he came to know that Kyungsoo is wed with another. Yifan not liking this one bit considering he'd might have fallen for the younger man searches for a way to kill him. If he was dead then he could be with Yifan forever. (Yandere much?) His first efforts fail (yes, he's tried to kill Kyungsoo more than once), it wasn't until he got their guard down that he was successful.

Yixing on the other hand finds out that Yifan escapes and goes out in search but in the end the results weren't all that promising.

Wow that was far longer than I wished but hey it at least clears up their past somewhat. The rest of the story of them is explained throughtout the fic. I'll add more if I come across something I missed. Also before I forget...the continuation for this fic will be a sequal!! Yay~~ I hope you guys are as excited as I am, and will stick around a while longer. Again thank you for reading.;3


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